The Opposite of Pride is Joy

The greatest personal struggle I have in this life is overcoming pride. I used to think there was such a thing as good pride; righteous pride, which is the pride in keeping myself fit and clean, and in keeping my home up to repair and pleasant in appearance. Or such things as being "humbly" proud of my accomplishments, such as writing something meaningful that touches souls, for instance.

I mean, surely I could take pride in accomplishing things, as long as I remembered that God gave me the gifts to use them for good, so what good I did was to my merit. How else could I have any self-esteem if I never thought that anything I did was of value, and praiseworthy? I just had to make sure that I gave the glory to God, right?

I've had many discussions with others about this and we decided that there was a pride with a big "P" and one with a little "p," with them being the evil type that causes whole societies to crumble, and the type that is the pride in yourself that makes you want to do good things, respectively. That's entirely wrong.

After being knocked down pretty hard again recently, as usual, by pride, but not of any sort that could be called good (yet didn't merit a capital P either), I had to rethink this concept. I was at a point in my life that I thought all I was capable of having was "pride," because I certainly didn't think much of myself at all, so "Pride "was out of the question. How could I be "high and mighty" and due to be knocked down when I was already as low as I thought I could be.

Thinking it would make me humble, I had gotten wrapped up in trying to do good things for everyone around me. Sure, it felt good to do things for people, but it still left me empty and hating myself when I wasn't actively involved in service. Furthermore, I wasn't doing anything for myself- nothing good anyway.

There were a number of selfish behaviors, but eating a whole package of cookies isn't doing something for yourself. It's trying to escape yourself, and is a denial that you have any worth. I wouldn't hesitate to warn someone else how bad that was, but I excused myself because "those people want to live," and I didn't.

Ironically, I thought I had no pride of any sort, but I had the worst kind of Pride: the kind that tells you that you know better than anyone, including God, both what you can do to/for yourself, and what you are worth. Pride is not the opposite of pride. Come on, it's the same word already. Maybe there's some difference in the two concepts of big and little, but there's a lot of overlap; therefore not opposites.

Humility, and especially humiliation, alone is not the opposite of Pride either. Both are steps toward the truth, however. Think about it, we've all known someone who was proud of how humble they were. As funny as that is, it's a much bigger stumbling block than Pride itself. It makes you think you are conquering pride, but you are just disguising it.

There is only one way to be free of pride: you must becomne aware of how insignificant you really are. You must know that you are nothing. That is, that you are nothing, of yourself. There is not one thing you do in this entire existence that you could do entirely by yourself. Without the power of God, even the very molecules that make up your body would lose the bonds that hold them together, and disorganized and without cohesion, you would simple dissolve away.

Once you become aware of that and then recognize that, at the same time, you are divinely created and of infinite worth, you are on your way to being free of pride. I am a son of God, whose power is infinite, and He saw fit to create me, exactly as I am. While that is enough to feel that I have greatness, if only in my creation, I can take no pride in it. It is not my doing. I may take this form that He has given me and try to do what I want with it and think that I have done either great things, or evil things, but I could do none of it if He just withdrew His power from me completely.

Having reached this point of awareness of being entirely helpless and dependent on God for everything, I give my will to Him, to do with me as He will, and every moment becomes a miracle. Each breath is a testament to His Glory, every step forward a celebration of His greatness. If I stumble, it is because He allows it for my wisdom. If I do evil, it is only because He stills permits me life, and is patient to let the fire burn me, so I will know to respect it.

Now, I am almost there. As I learn to trust Him, and He sees fit to lead me to do anything of greatness, of any size, I finally learn the truth. I see what has been done, and I know that only by His power that it could be done, but He allowed my hand to do it, so that I could feel His power and know His glory. Then, and only then, I have joy. Joy in the goodness of the thing that has been done, and joy in the love He has for me that He will lend me his power to do good. I can feel both worthy and worthwhile, yet insignificant unless I am a tool in the Master's hand.

I am saved by my God and through the blood of Christ, no matter what I do. There is nothing I can do to accomplish that on my own. I can win nothing by the strength of my arm, but I can do anything when supported by the arm of God, and when I trust Him in all things.